First of
all, I agree with what you said about the ultimate definition of the Force,
Jax. The short time I've been walking the Jedi Path has been enough to make me
realise that not everybody thinks the Force is what I think it is, and that it
is such a vast concept that it is almost imposible to describe it
accurately. :ponder So many things to
consider.
Exercise
One: Feeling the edges
As you
know, I've always thought that we are more than "these crude matter",
as a certain great Jedi Master once said
:yoda. And I've always looked at myself that way, too. I learned long
ago that sometimes eyes are not to be trusted. When I look at myself at the
mirror, I try to remember that I'm more than a mutant teenager.
I liked
this exercise. I found it really interesting. I saw myself as floating in a
kind of sphere of an undefined color. It changed its colour each time that I
was able to identify what colour was it. Its edge/limit wasn't defined. It was
like a blurred line, something inconsistent and variable. To I tried to
"reach" that edge, only to discover that each time I tried to reach it,
it moved further away. I tried to reach it another time and obtained the same
result. I was so centered in reaching my edge that I hadn't realised that that
bubble which surrounded me had expanded. So I experimented. I kind of expanded
and contracted myself. I tried to reach farther and farther and also tried to
make myself as little as I could. I realised that, as energy, I don't have an
edge, and that I can expand myself as much as I want. There aren't walls or
obstacles in that realm. And I think I could almost kind of feel other beings'
bubbles (especially my sister and father, who were sleeping nearby ;) ), but maybe I just was imaginating that. But
the exercise was really interesting. How did I feel? It is difficult to put it
in words. Serene. Infinite. True. I think I kind of connected with myself :ponder .
I've always
had "problems" with what people call "private bubble" or
"personal space". My mother used to said that I had too much energy
to keep in only one body. When I am in crowded places, with a lot of people
around me, I feel like I am being comprimed in a very little space and I get
very nervous. But I don't get so nervous when I am in a small place. I've
thought that maybe this happens because, when I am in crowded places, other
people's bubbles comprime mine forcefully, so I feel like if I'm being chocked.
But when I am in a small place, my energy is free to comprime and expand. It
just slips through walls and floor if it is too big, or readjust itself to an
smaller size. I've also realised during these last days that my sphere changes
with my mood, and that I unconsciously make it smaller when I try to avoid
being noticed. And that each people's bubble/presence in the Force is different
and that you can kind of read how they are feeling in it. Yesterday, my
neighbour visited us. She was looking for my father, but he wasn't at home. She
said that I was okey, that she would return the next day. I felt something was
wrong with her and I asked her if she was fine, and if she wanted my father to
phone her when she arrived. She smiled and said she was perfectly and that she
would phone my father herself. She left "cheefully" but I kept having
the feeling of that something was wrong. That night, my father told me that my
neighbour's wife was at the hospital, with a recently discovered breast cancer
killing her. And even if she was calm
and apparently happy, I could feel her sorrow. Interesting. A lot of things to
think about :ponder :meditate .
Exercise
Two: Becoming space
This
exercise was nice. I don't if this is a kind of meditation technique, but I've
been using this during my meditation sessions during the last days. This
experience reminded me of something I did when I was little, and still do
sometimes now. I've always had a lot of nightmares, especially when I was very
young, 4 to 9 years old or so. I remeber I sometimes woke up in the middle of
night and was so afraid I didn't want to call my mother or turn the lights on
or anything. I remeber I looked at the darkness in my room and saw like a kind
of little spots of different colour floating in the air, creating spirals and
flying towards me. And then, I felt myself expand and I became those little
spots, and I wasn't afraid anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but the
feeling was astonishing.
Returning
to my exercise. It is really difficult to put in words, but I'll do my best. After
I relaxed myself and started my habitual meditation "ritual", I
started to try to find those spaces between my atoms. At first, when I tried to
expand them, I didn't feel anything. But as I kept pushing, I started to feel
something, like a tickling sensations. It was strange, but not unpleasant. It
was if like all my energy concentrated itself in the same point. So I kept
pushing. And then, I exploded in every direction. I kind of left being Zariah
to become part of something much greater, but, at the same time, I kept being
Zariah. The feeling was wonderful. The physical suddenly became less important
and I felt free and infinite, like if I was only energy. It is really difficult
to put in words, but it felt like if I was dying and borning at the same time. I
felt more in peace than I had in a lot of time. There weren't emotions, only a
astonishing feeling of peace and communion with the Universe and the Force and
an undescribable feeling of happiness. I was everywhere and was everywhere. I
felt powerful and wise and infinite. I think I left some atoms floating out
there.
No comments:
Post a Comment